Should I Take This Personally?

Let’s face it: Life can, and often does, stink.

I mean some days it feels like no matter how hard you try, or how much effort you put into something, there’s always a surprise waiting to either bean you with a reality snowball, or give you one of those life-wedgies that makes you wonder why you even try in the first place.

I’ve been living proof of this for close to 2 years now, and let me tell you it’s not fun. From financial headaches, to growing tensions at home, to now living with my sister as my wife and I try to sort some things out, I have been and am still going through a personal hell as of late. With the combined pressure from work and home, quite truthfully I’m amazed I’ve stayed sane as long as I have.

I’m not saying my situation is unique by any stretch. I imagine a lot of people go through this kind of shit on a regular basis, and deal with it in their own ways. What maybe puts a spin on my life is the fact that on top of all this I’m trying to carve out a space in the New Media sphere as well, which if you’re going to do it right, you have to make a commitment to it. Be it time, money, or whatever, if you want to run in the podosphere, you have to contribute.

Over the past 13 months I’ve had to work two jobs, both of which were extremely demanding. I’ve torn down our company’s website twice and put it back up, I’ve delivered over 100,000 newspapers in that amount of time, and I’ve pushed my pressure coping abilities beyond any semblance of a normal limit. I’ve seen sides of myself in the past year that I never knew I had, and in retrospect wish I’d never seen.

So you can imagine my initial reaction to a comment made by a listener to my novel when they say that unless there’s an update soon, they’ll have to unsubscribe to it.

Incensed? Sure…at first. I’ve never been one to take threats well, no matter how sublime or severe they might be. Now, of course this comment could have been made in fun…maybe with a dash of sarcasm thrown in as an attempt at a general nudge to get me off my butt. If so, then I waaaaaaaaaaaay over-reacted initially to it, but it does bring up a valid point: Should we take it so personally when someone unsubscribes?

Years ago, Scott Sigler’s podcast novel ‘Infection’ (the predecessor to ‘Infected’) sparked a bit of controversy from one of its listeners. In one scene, Perry Dawsey (the main character) threatened to hurt a woman. After that episode aired, one listener emailed Scott and said she was un-subscribing from the novel because of the misogynistic tone the book now had.

Now, to Scott’s credit, he reacted fairly well, stating that yes, his book wasn’t for everyone, and he wouldn’t harsh anyone for unsubscribing. I mean hey, it’s the person’s choice to subscribe or not. Still, I can only imagine the initial reaction.

I’ve looked at my Podiobooks stats off and on since putting ‘Outcast’ up on there, and while the numbers of subscribers have been increasing, so have the numbers of folks who’ve unsubscribed. Granted, the ratio still greatly favours the subscriber side, and for that I’m eternally grateful. 99% of the feedback I’ve been getting has been more than encouraging, and a real beacon to me in this rather chaotic sea I’ve been sailing in as of late.

I know mine’s not the only podcast to have people unsubscribe. People with infinitely more talent and a larger listener base must see fluctuations in their numbers that would make my eyes bug out of my head. I guess you need to have somewhat of a thick skin in the world of web 2.0, because not everyone’s going to necessarily ‘like’ you, and some may even drop your podcast due to disinterest or prolonged periods of silence.

I guess all you can really do is shrug your shoulders, look at your calendar, and move on. Unless it’s your main source of income, podcasting / web 2.0 work is little more than a hobby, and should really only be fostered when you have time and energy to spare. Should things come up along the way, they need to take priority and as much as it may hurt, you have to shelf your hobby until you’ve dealt with everything else.

If your hobby involves interacting with an audience via the Net, then the most you can do is ask for their understanding that there might be delays in content delivery because of life’s little curve-balls. I mean hey, for a while Tee Morris when nearly dark during his re-doing of Morevi for one reason or another…and his book was already written!

So, in conclusion, I guess I’ve answered my own question. Should I take it personally when someone tells me they’re unsubscribing? No. Just shrug your shoulders, brush it off, and get back to living. It’s all you can do.

Outcast – Episode 14.5

And hello again, all you crazy, ravenous…er…Outcasts

So, after sitting way too long in a word processor file, I present to you the second ‘Outcast’ feedback show. In this episode we have a few emails, a few voicemails, and some news on what’s been happening with me over the past little while.

I’ve got a massive amount of linkage for all of you to check out too:
Podcast Site: http://outcastnovel.mevio.com
Podiobooks Site: http://podiobooks.com/title/outcast
Email: outcastnovel@gmail.com
Voice Mail: 206-600-NARC (6272)

The Beginning: http://thebeginingstory.webs.com/index.htm
Shadowmagic: http://shadowmagic.co.uk AND http://podiobooks.com/title/shadowmagic
The Aurora Hunter Novel: http://hunternovel.mevio.com
Skunk Smells Podcast: http://skunk.mevio.com
Niv Wizard Podcast Novel: http://nivwizard.mevio.com

End of Cycle for Sarcoma Team Page: http://giving.roswellpark.org/NetCommunity/Page.aspx?pid=615&frtid=1277

Shujin Tribble’s Page on the Ride for Roswell:
http://giving.roswellpark.org/NetCommunity/Page.aspx?pid=614&frsid=8323

Ending music is ‘Midnight’ by Fox Amoore, composer extraordinaire. Here are the many places you can find him:

MySpace: http://www.myspace.com/foxamoore
YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=KeyboardFox
Last FM Page: http://www.last.fm/music/Fox+Amoore
Online Store: http://www.freewebstore.org/FoxAmoore/index.aspx?pageid=118412
Ustream Page: http://www.ustream.tv/channel/fox-amoore-live

Episode 14.5

More Stormy Seas Ahead…

I’m convinced that the Fates have me square in their crosshairs, dead to rights.

To say working on ‘Outcast’ has been a struggle for the longest time is a drastic understatement, and part of it is this seemingly comedic string of bad things that seem to happen not long after I”ve recorded and posted an episode.  From a $5000 car repair bill to my dad dying, to my current situation…it feels like someone or something doesn’t want me to finish this project.

Things, however, have really…and I mean really…come to a head.  I wasn’t really aware of how much stress I’ve been under this past little while, and it’s beginning to show.  Work, home, and everything else in my life has become this giant ball of anxiety for me, and to be honest how I haven’t dropped dead from a heart attack has amazed everyone, especially my wife.

To that end, I’ve actually started into counselling to try and deal with a lot of the issues with which I’m faced.  It’s a little embarassing to admit that I might have a problem, but I also know that acknowledging that something’s wrong is the first step to fixing it.  I can only hope and pray that going this route will bring me some sense of peace at some point.

Again, I want to thank all of you for your patience, your feedback, and continued support for the book.  I’m not fading out or anything like that; I just wanted to finally admit to all of you one of the darker reasons I’ve been so sporatic with my posting schedule.  I’ve been denying that there’s something wrong with me for a long time, and now it’s finally reared up and taken a large chunk out of my life…one I have to fight like hell to get back now.

Unfortunately, what this means is that the posting schedule will be about as spotty as it is now, but it will continue.  Heh…like the song says: Never Surrender…I’ll never be overcome (Disturbed: ‘The Curse). I know I have one hell of a battle ahead of me, but I know it’s one I can win.

I just have to fight it now…

Thanks.