Time to Come Clean…

I think it’s time I cleared the air here and let all of you know why things have been so silent on my end from a podcasting perspective. It’s the least I can do for those of you who’ve taken the time out of your lives to give my stuff a listen and ask for more. More is coming, but it may take a bit more time.

Here’s why: I’m getting a divorce.

For the past two months, my wife and I have been separated. I’ve been living at my sister’s place, trying to cope with the sudden downward spiral my life has taken. It’s worked to some extent, but I still sleep alone, in a strange bed on the other side of the city from what I’m used to.

We had talked about couple’s counseling, and I was more than willing to give it a shot. However, she wants no part of it and no part of me anymore. So, I guess it’s all over now except to start the paperwork, make arrangements for the common debt payments we need to make, and move on in life.

About the only wrinkle is my sister need the room I’m staying in for July, so I’m basically homeless. The wife’s offered to let me stay at our place until I can find somewhere, and I probably will for a few weeks until I can find a place I can afford. I was barely scraping by before; wherever I end up, it ain’t gonna be that big.

I’m also looking for work so I can afford to live alone a bit more comfortably. I’ve got a few leads out there, as well as some part-time stuff lined up. It might not be much to start with, but it’s a start.

We both want a clean break from each other. No drama, no arguments, and thankfully no kids. When I have a place of my own I’ll just grab what’s mine, what of ours I wish to take, and leave her behind. It’ll be hard to say good-bye after so long together, but being stuck in a loveless marriage is harder, I think.

So, like I’ve always said, thank you for your continued support and your well-wishes. If/When this thing ever gets done I’ll have to find some way to express my eternal gratitude for your patience and understanding through what’s quickly becoming the most painful time of my life.

Until next time…

Should I Take This Personally?

Let’s face it: Life can, and often does, stink.

I mean some days it feels like no matter how hard you try, or how much effort you put into something, there’s always a surprise waiting to either bean you with a reality snowball, or give you one of those life-wedgies that makes you wonder why you even try in the first place.

I’ve been living proof of this for close to 2 years now, and let me tell you it’s not fun. From financial headaches, to growing tensions at home, to now living with my sister as my wife and I try to sort some things out, I have been and am still going through a personal hell as of late. With the combined pressure from work and home, quite truthfully I’m amazed I’ve stayed sane as long as I have.

I’m not saying my situation is unique by any stretch. I imagine a lot of people go through this kind of shit on a regular basis, and deal with it in their own ways. What maybe puts a spin on my life is the fact that on top of all this I’m trying to carve out a space in the New Media sphere as well, which if you’re going to do it right, you have to make a commitment to it. Be it time, money, or whatever, if you want to run in the podosphere, you have to contribute.

Over the past 13 months I’ve had to work two jobs, both of which were extremely demanding. I’ve torn down our company’s website twice and put it back up, I’ve delivered over 100,000 newspapers in that amount of time, and I’ve pushed my pressure coping abilities beyond any semblance of a normal limit. I’ve seen sides of myself in the past year that I never knew I had, and in retrospect wish I’d never seen.

So you can imagine my initial reaction to a comment made by a listener to my novel when they say that unless there’s an update soon, they’ll have to unsubscribe to it.

Incensed? Sure…at first. I’ve never been one to take threats well, no matter how sublime or severe they might be. Now, of course this comment could have been made in fun…maybe with a dash of sarcasm thrown in as an attempt at a general nudge to get me off my butt. If so, then I waaaaaaaaaaaay over-reacted initially to it, but it does bring up a valid point: Should we take it so personally when someone unsubscribes?

Years ago, Scott Sigler’s podcast novel ‘Infection’ (the predecessor to ‘Infected’) sparked a bit of controversy from one of its listeners. In one scene, Perry Dawsey (the main character) threatened to hurt a woman. After that episode aired, one listener emailed Scott and said she was un-subscribing from the novel because of the misogynistic tone the book now had.

Now, to Scott’s credit, he reacted fairly well, stating that yes, his book wasn’t for everyone, and he wouldn’t harsh anyone for unsubscribing. I mean hey, it’s the person’s choice to subscribe or not. Still, I can only imagine the initial reaction.

I’ve looked at my Podiobooks stats off and on since putting ‘Outcast’ up on there, and while the numbers of subscribers have been increasing, so have the numbers of folks who’ve unsubscribed. Granted, the ratio still greatly favours the subscriber side, and for that I’m eternally grateful. 99% of the feedback I’ve been getting has been more than encouraging, and a real beacon to me in this rather chaotic sea I’ve been sailing in as of late.

I know mine’s not the only podcast to have people unsubscribe. People with infinitely more talent and a larger listener base must see fluctuations in their numbers that would make my eyes bug out of my head. I guess you need to have somewhat of a thick skin in the world of web 2.0, because not everyone’s going to necessarily ‘like’ you, and some may even drop your podcast due to disinterest or prolonged periods of silence.

I guess all you can really do is shrug your shoulders, look at your calendar, and move on. Unless it’s your main source of income, podcasting / web 2.0 work is little more than a hobby, and should really only be fostered when you have time and energy to spare. Should things come up along the way, they need to take priority and as much as it may hurt, you have to shelf your hobby until you’ve dealt with everything else.

If your hobby involves interacting with an audience via the Net, then the most you can do is ask for their understanding that there might be delays in content delivery because of life’s little curve-balls. I mean hey, for a while Tee Morris when nearly dark during his re-doing of Morevi for one reason or another…and his book was already written!

So, in conclusion, I guess I’ve answered my own question. Should I take it personally when someone tells me they’re unsubscribing? No. Just shrug your shoulders, brush it off, and get back to living. It’s all you can do.

Outcast – Episode 14.5

And hello again, all you crazy, ravenous…er…Outcasts

So, after sitting way too long in a word processor file, I present to you the second ‘Outcast’ feedback show. In this episode we have a few emails, a few voicemails, and some news on what’s been happening with me over the past little while.

I’ve got a massive amount of linkage for all of you to check out too:
Podcast Site: http://outcastnovel.mevio.com
Podiobooks Site: http://podiobooks.com/title/outcast
Email: outcastnovel@gmail.com
Voice Mail: 206-600-NARC (6272)

The Beginning: http://thebeginingstory.webs.com/index.htm
Shadowmagic: http://shadowmagic.co.uk AND http://podiobooks.com/title/shadowmagic
The Aurora Hunter Novel: http://hunternovel.mevio.com
Skunk Smells Podcast: http://skunk.mevio.com
Niv Wizard Podcast Novel: http://nivwizard.mevio.com

End of Cycle for Sarcoma Team Page: http://giving.roswellpark.org/NetCommunity/Page.aspx?pid=615&frtid=1277

Shujin Tribble’s Page on the Ride for Roswell:
http://giving.roswellpark.org/NetCommunity/Page.aspx?pid=614&frsid=8323

Ending music is ‘Midnight’ by Fox Amoore, composer extraordinaire. Here are the many places you can find him:

MySpace: http://www.myspace.com/foxamoore
YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=KeyboardFox
Last FM Page: http://www.last.fm/music/Fox+Amoore
Online Store: http://www.freewebstore.org/FoxAmoore/index.aspx?pageid=118412
Ustream Page: http://www.ustream.tv/channel/fox-amoore-live

Episode 14.5

More Stormy Seas Ahead…

I’m convinced that the Fates have me square in their crosshairs, dead to rights.

To say working on ‘Outcast’ has been a struggle for the longest time is a drastic understatement, and part of it is this seemingly comedic string of bad things that seem to happen not long after I”ve recorded and posted an episode.  From a $5000 car repair bill to my dad dying, to my current situation…it feels like someone or something doesn’t want me to finish this project.

Things, however, have really…and I mean really…come to a head.  I wasn’t really aware of how much stress I’ve been under this past little while, and it’s beginning to show.  Work, home, and everything else in my life has become this giant ball of anxiety for me, and to be honest how I haven’t dropped dead from a heart attack has amazed everyone, especially my wife.

To that end, I’ve actually started into counselling to try and deal with a lot of the issues with which I’m faced.  It’s a little embarassing to admit that I might have a problem, but I also know that acknowledging that something’s wrong is the first step to fixing it.  I can only hope and pray that going this route will bring me some sense of peace at some point.

Again, I want to thank all of you for your patience, your feedback, and continued support for the book.  I’m not fading out or anything like that; I just wanted to finally admit to all of you one of the darker reasons I’ve been so sporatic with my posting schedule.  I’ve been denying that there’s something wrong with me for a long time, and now it’s finally reared up and taken a large chunk out of my life…one I have to fight like hell to get back now.

Unfortunately, what this means is that the posting schedule will be about as spotty as it is now, but it will continue.  Heh…like the song says: Never Surrender…I’ll never be overcome (Disturbed: ‘The Curse). I know I have one hell of a battle ahead of me, but I know it’s one I can win.

I just have to fight it now…

Thanks.

No…Really…I mean it this time…

Hey all you ravenous outcasts out there!

Ok, so I really didn’t mean to leave all of you hanging this long.  No…honestly I didn’t.  I mean hey, this little book just got listed on Podiobooks.com as of February, so if you think there was pressure on me before to deliver…it just amplified.

That being said, February was a rather crappy month for me health and timing-wise.  Any time I had the opportunity to record the next chapter, I was either down with a stomach flu, or like now, I’m down with a wicked cold.  The end result is my voice is in no shape to record.

On the up-side of this, I’ve been writing like crazy to try and get ahead on my recording | writing ratio, so I can finally get to that point where I’m not rushing each new chapter out in order to meet some kind of regular schedule.  That’s been the constant battle for me since I started this project, and it’s certainly taught me to FINISH THE BOOK BEFORE YOU PODCAST IT!

Anyway, the new episode will be out soon.  I haven’t forgotten about all of you, and I thank all of you faithful listeners, as well as you new podiobooks subscribers, for sticking by me and this book.  Your patience will be rewarded soon, I promise.

Now…where’s that cough syrup…

A Profound Moment…

Outcasts, fans, and any others who may be reading this…I’d just like to take a moment and try to come to terms with what happened to me today.

It’s ok, it’s nothing bad.  In fact, I think this is probably the single greatest thing that’s ever happened to me since I started writing/podcasting.  I mean, I never set out on this journey to be anyone’s hero, and certainly not a role model.  Believe me, the Chris Hvidsten guidebook for a successful life is a one-way ticket straight to stressville, believe me.

The past couple of weeks have been nothing short of Hell for me.  The weather, finances, and the constant exhaustion I’m feeling from the newspaper routes all caught up to me early last week, and I felt myself falling into that pit.  You know the one I mean: The one where you turn into an overly irritable bitch of a person who’s about as friendly as the outgoing Republican regime.  I was certainly not in a good place.

Things are getting better, however.  The weather’s improving, and my mood is on a definite upswing.  Add to that my feedburner stats are climing almost steadily, and I’m getting the feeling that I”m actually doing something right…something good, y’know?

Then, this morning I get this little nugget in my inbox.  This shocked the living hell out of me:

it was the night i had it with the world i was going to leave this earth.
yes i said it but your podcast changed me.
what i didn’t know it but it was dalan.
his push forward attitude did it to me.
i was listening and said to my self wow wow this is art a great story.
i decide to give my self another chance yes you saved my life and thank you very much.
i was feed up with all this furry sex shit. but you have a different story now i am hook and i got a job too. wow my life went 360.
i have to tell you my dad was head to war to he going back to iraq i was so depressed i gave up. but you guy dalan his never quitting attitude lifted me up.

thank you
my hero

my little true story of what you podcast did for me.

by life saver
–
form: bluehusky20

I’d love to actually quote this one in my next episode, but I’m not sure I can without getting overly emotional.  I mean…wow…just…wow.

I twittered a bit about this whole thing not long after I read it, and this comment came from one of my heroes, Tee Morris:

you have done what writers everywhere want to do. well done!

It’s really hard to describe how I feel about this.  Of course I’m grateful that this guy didn’t off himself, but to think I had something to do with such a monumentous decision…it’s just overwhelming.

I think I’m gonna trip off this feeling for a day or so to let it sink in, then I’m gonna hit the word processor like a man possessed.

Until next time…

Is Anyone…Itchy?

Ok, time to show some love to everyone’s favourite megalomaniac:  The One, The Only…The General…The Pope…The Father of Siglerism…

That’s right, Outcasts.  Before the Outcasts, there were the Junkies, and I’m one of them.  ALL HAIL THE FDO!

The above poster is a promo for Scott Sigler’s new novel ‘Contagious, which is scheduled to release at the end of this month.   This is the sequel to his horrifying biological thriller ‘Infected,’ which actually won me a contest a couple of years back and got me into podcasting.

What’s that?  Are some of my Outcasts actually Junkies?  Really?  And…you want your fix now…like…right now?  Well guess what.  Our FDO has been gracious enough to give us our fix.  YES…that’s right, Outcasts and Junkies.  ‘Contagious’ is currently being podcasted at scottsigler.com, so you can get your fix and be fully committed by the time the book comes out.

Ok, bad attempt at Sigler-esque humour.  Anyway, just thought I’d send some love the FDO’s way, since it’s HIS FAULT I’m doing this in the first place. 

So…what are you waiting for?  Shouldn’t you be subscribing…like…now?

Outcast – Episode 13

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

Hello once again, Outcasts. I know y’all missed me, and I missed all of you too.

At long last, here’s episode 13. This will be the last episode for 2008, and my New Year’s resolution is to be a bit more frequent with updates in 2009. Yeah, I know; I say that every time.

IN THIS EPISODE:

Dalan returns home from his first retreat up in the mountains with his Sensei. Though somewhat emboldened by the revelation that he is indeed a special student, he dreads opening that door and seeing that he is once again alone.

The question is…is he?

Promo: Niv Wizard: http://nivwizard.mevio.com

Additional music for this episode:

‘Consummation Opus’ by Amaran’s Plight

‘Alone’ by Brian Turner

Both these artists are available on the Podsafe Music Network at http://music.podshow.com

Episode 13

Outcast – Special Fan Fiction Episode

Hey all.

Yes, I’m back again, and this time I’ve got a nice little treat for you.  Courtesy of loyal Outcast and fellow author, Marcus Noble, I’m pleased to present to you the first EVER Outcast Fan Fiction story…RockStar.

It’s a glimpse of the world of Bengalis as seen through the eyes of a traveling musician, who lives a rather interesting lifestyle, and what happens when a one-night stand with a groupie changes his life forever.

WARNING!  This story does contain some graphic violence and sexual situations, so listener discretion is strongly advised.

—

Skunk Smells Podcast

The Aurora Hunter Podcast Novel

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Contact Info

Email: outcastnovel@gmail.com

Website: http://outcastnovel.mevio.com

Blog: http://outcastnovel.wordpress.com

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Outcast – Episode 12

Hey Outcasts.

So, here we are, back again with another episode.  Again, many thanks for sticking by the story, subscribing, and spreading the word.  I really appreciate it.

IN THIS EPISODE:

It is the time of Dalan’s first retreat with his Sensei.  To date,
he still hasn’t told Te’Ki about his training for fear of scaring her
away.  Now, though, as the impending retreat looms, he finds himself
unable to avoid telling her any longer.

The question is, will she still be there when he returns…

Episode 12